Come So Far
by shooshyeah
Summary: <html><head></head>Nick hasn't come this far to let something like this beat him.   COMPLETE</html>
1. Chapter 1

"Nick, wake up."

The relaxed form of the man on the bed grunted a little. With a hint of impatience the woman next to him shoved his shoulder again, a bit harder now.

"_Nick_."

He rasped and cracked one eye open, staring at the window with his back to his girlfriend. "What?"

"We need to go to the hospital."

Still mostly asleep, Nick rolled onto his back and frowned at her. She was beautiful, even with her hair rumpled and her eyes a bit puffy with sleep. He was too focused on the moonlight bouncing off her strawberry blonde hair to hear what she said.

"Are you listening?"

Nick blinked a few times, waking up a bit more. "Sorry. What?"

"My water broke."

The words resonated strangely, and Nick tried to process them through the fog of sleep. He'd never been good at waking up. Then he shifted and realized his hand was touching something lukewarm and wet. Nick twitched, sitting bolt upright and rubbing his eyes.

"Did you hear me that time?" she asked, voice a bit amused at his reaction.

Nick felt his mouth hang open before answering. "It's time?"

"Yep." she popped the 'p'. "Are you gonna gape at me all night or should we get going? The contractions are about five minutes apart."

Her boyfriend of nearly two years let out a deep breath through his nose, trying to think. "Uh…Five minutes…Didn't Dr. Castillo tell us to come to the hospital at five minutes?"

"That's why I'm waking you up, babe." she spoke as if to a toddler, fondly patting his leg through the thick comforter. "We should get going. Whenever you're ready."

Nick shook his head, finally awake enough to stare at her incredulously. "You're just waking me up _now_?"

"I thought maybe they were Braxton's, but apparently not. My water only broke a minute ago, so I thought I should wake you up."

Nick groaned and rubbed his face again. "What time is it, Ash?"

"About two in the morning." she checked the digital clock next to their bed. "Contractions started when we were having dinner."

"What?" he nearly shouted, a bit worried by her overwhelming calm. Then again, she was always pretty calm. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Like I said, I thought they were false alarms. I've had them before, and they weren't anything. Remember when we went to the movies with Rochelle and Francis?"

Nick nodded numbly. "Yeah, we went to the hospital and it was nothing."

"Right. But this is the real deal. So I'm going to change into something clean, and you get my bag into the car, okay?" Ashley squeezed his leg reassuringly. "Sorry I had to wake you up. I thought I might make it until morning."

Untangling himself from the soiled bed, Nick nodded once more. "Yeah…Okay. What do you wanna wear, I'll get it from the closet."

"Anything comfortable. Thanks, babe." the woman propped herself up on her elbows, grunting a little to look over the huge lump of her belly. "Man, will I be glad to see my feet again…Are they gross?"

"Your feet are gorgeous." replied Nick automatically as he pawed through the drawers in the closet. Everything about her was gorgeous, even swollen with pregnancy. "Black sweat suit?"

"That hasn't fit since month seven." she chuckled. "Um…Your Lakers t-shirt and those red shorts you got me in Tijuana?"

"You got it." Nick snatched the two items from her pajama drawer and threw them at the bed, then grabbed the large duffle bag next to the chest in the closet. "Back seat or trunk?"

"Back seat would be easier. Would you grab my cell on the way out?" she threw her legs over the side of the bed with another low grunt. "It's charging next to the blender."

"Sure thing."

As if in a trance Nick went out to their Saab 9-3, grabbing her cell as asked on the way, throwing the bag in the back and considering starting it but deeming it unnecessary. It was pretty warm as far as nights went, and fairly dry, too. Nick tripped on the stairs back into their house, mumbling curses as he walked through the door.

"Ashley?" he snapped when he saw her grasping the counter and hunched over in pain.

She forced a smile through her grimace, free hand clutching her big stomach through his purple and yellow '24' t-shirt. "I'm okay. Just a really good one. Reeeaal good. This kid wants out, and they want out now."

The words hit Nick like a frying pan to the face. 'This kid wants out'. His kid…His kid was coming out. Abruptly the room spun and Nick put a hand on the wall to steady himself, Ashley's contraction ending just as his eyes started to roll back.

"Nick!" she shrieked. "Don't you dare pass out!"

He shook himself, brushing off his gray t-shirt and flannel pajama pants but still leaning on the wall. "Oh my God. We're about to have this baby."

"I know, that's what I've been trying to get through your skull for the last half hour." she grinned at him, patting the crest of her belly. "Did you take Lunesta again? You know it turns you into the living dead…Not literally, of course."

Nick smirked at her joke, able to see a bit straighter but still reeling on the inside. "Okay, I'm good." that was a lie. He felt like throwing up and screaming all at the same time. "Should we call your parents?"

"Let's wait until we get to the hospital." she gave him a knowing look as she pushed her long wavy hair over her shoulder. "You gonna call Ellis and Ro?"

"I'll call Ro. She'll get the word out." Nick chuckled at the mention of his very close friends. "You ready?"

"Mm hm. I already called Dr. Castillo, and she'll meet us there as soon as she can." for the first time a bit of nervousness snuck onto her face, and her gray eyes sparkled a little as she bit her lip at Nick. "This is scary."

"Hey." he said softly, closing the distance between them with thankfully strong steps. He grasped her face between his hands, looking down into the face of the woman he loved. "I made it through most of Georgia, and you kicked ass all up and down Florida. We lived through millions of zombies, we can make it through one little old baby."

Her pink bottom lip shook a little. "_Our_ baby."

"Yeah." Nick smiled, hiding the thrill of horror that sent through him. "Our baby. Now…let's get to the hospital so you can have my son."

Ashley finally relaxed, raising an eyebrow. "I knew I was making a mistake not finding out the sex. You've been driving me nuts for almost nine months, Nick."

"Correction: I've been driving you nuts since we met at that CEDA camp two years ago." he kissed her lips briefly, savoring her sweet taste before forcing himself to focus. "Come on."

Nick held her freckled hand in his as they left their house, both thinking that when they returned they would be parents, but neither voicing the thought to the other. Nick helped Ashley into the passenger's seat, watching her fiddle with the seatbelt before striding over to the driver's side. Before climbing in he took a few steadying breaths, trying to convince himself that everything was going to work out perfectly.

Since when had that ever happened for him?

"Ah, shit! Fuuuuck!"

Nick winced as Ashley's fingernails drilled mercilessly into the back of his hand, their palms connected atop the gear shift. "Contractions must be a bitch."

"I'd rather play tag with a witch." she huffed, getting a pained laugh from her boyfriend. "How close are we?"

Glancing irritably at the red light that was holding them up, Nick shrugged. "A few more minutes. You'll make it, don't worry."

"I'm not worried about making it, I'm worried about getting a good room." admitted Ashley with a soft chuckle, contraction finally fading. "We should have booked the suite, but I was too caught up about money -"

"When you know I have plenty of it." Nick brought her slackening hand up to kiss it. He'd been the one insisting they get her a private suite, but she had refused. "Now if you have to give birth in front of a bunch of strangers you have no one to blame but yourself."

Ashley flicked his nose with her forefinger, still held close to his face. "Not funny. You'll hate it just as much as me if random people get to see my most intimate areas."

"You're right." grumbled Nick, imagining a perverted old man in a hospital gown peering into the room while Ashley had his son. Because it _would be a son. "I'd like to keep those all to myself." _

"_Too bad for you, they're gonna be wrecked for a good month." she snorted at Nick's downtrodden expression. "But my mouth should be just fine." _

_He did a double take at her, hand tightening on the wheel. "Did you just make a pass at me while in labor?"_

"_The light's green." she batted her eyelashes, sitting back in the seat and giggling to herself._

_Nick shook his head as he took off at surely illegal speeds, but they were alone on the streets and he was feeling increasingly panicked. "Sometimes I don't know why a vixen like you stuck with an old fart like me."_

_Ashley sighed at the old argument. She was only eight years his junior, but he always made it seem like he was her freaking grandpa. "Definitely the money…Maybe the sex." _

"_Ha, ha." Nick feigned laughter. Then a red and white neon sign caught his eye. "There it is. Emergency Room…Oh, boy." _

_Smirking, she grabbed his shoulder and squeezed. "Deep breaths, Nick. Not like I'm the one going through indescribable pain or anything." _

"_Oh, I am, too." Nick held up his right hand, showing her the deep red crescent marks she had left with her contraction. "Maybe they'll give me an epidural, too." _

"_No epidurals, remember?" interjected Ashley. That was one of the things she was firmly sticking to. "I don't want our baby's first glimpse of the world to be all trippy." _

"_Bet you fifty bucks you can't make it without one." blurted Nick, gambler instincts getting the better of him._

_Never one to back down from Nick's bets, Ashley shook his hand quickly. "You're on, Suit. Or more appropriate to your current attire: Jim-Jam." _

_Nick pulled into the emergency room parking lot laughing at his girlfriend, glad that even in such an unbelievably stressful situation she could still make him relax. _

_Just a little bit, anyway. _


	2. Chapter 2

They were settled in the waiting room, Ashley looking a bit uncomfortable in the poorly cushioned metal chair, but holding Nick's hand serenely nonetheless. With his other hand Nick pulled his cell phone from the pocket of his pajama pants, sifting through the contacts until he found 'Ro'.

After six or seven rings there was a crackle and sleepy voices before Rochelle came on the line. "This had better be good, Nick. I have to be at work by noon."

"Sorry for bothering you. Once the baby's born me and Ash will send you pictures." Nick teased the groggy woman on the other line, hearing Ashley's chuckle next to him.

There was a pause, then a sharp intake of breath. "Is she in labor?"

"Uh huh. We're at the hospital now. Figured if I called you than everyone who needs to know will know in the next hour."

Rochelle made a soft noise of delight, obviously a lot more awake now. Nick heard the rustle of blankets as she turned in the bed. "Francis…Francis! Nick and Ashley are having the baby…No, it is _not too early in the morning for a baby to be born!" _

_Nick laughed before Ro came back on the line. "We'll be there as soon as we can. I'll call Ellis and Coach on the way." _

"_Thanks, Ro. You're the best." _

"_You, too. Good luck, Nicky." _

_Before he could protest to the hated nickname she hung up, and Nick smiled at Ashley. "They're coming." _

"_So much for a calm delivery." Ashley pretended to be upset. Nick knew she loved his friends as much as he did. "My parents are going to flip out." _

_Nick squeezed her hand at the excitement in her voice. Her parents were all the family she had left, and he knew she was eager to give them their first grandchild. "Yeah, well you weren't supposed to have this baby for another three weeks." _

"_He or she really wants to meet us." Ashley rubbed her protruding stomach tenderly. "I can't wait to meet him or her." _

"_You could just say 'he'. It's easier." _

_Knowing what he was doing, Ashley rolled her eyes. "Saying it won't make it a boy, Nick. It could be a girl." _

"_Yeah, yeah." Nick looked across the waiting room at the only other person there with them: An old man who looked homeless and was snoring, head drooping against the wall. "We'll see." _

_Ashley opened her mouth to retaliate, but all that came out was a pained moan, her nails digging into Nick's hand once again. He flinched, knowing that it was the beginning of another contraction. A glance down at his abused hand made him wonder if there would be scarring. _

"_They're getting closer together." he said, watching Ashley's face pinch as she hit the worst of it and then came down. _

_She let out a shaky breath through puckered lips. "Yeah, and worse. I hope Dr. Castillo gets here soon." _

_Just a few seconds later Nick's phone was buzzing in his pocket, and he pulled it out to check the caller ID. With a groan he read the name 'Overalls', flipping the phone open and holding it to his ear. _

"_Hel-" was all he got out before Ellis was rambling._

"_Man, I can't believe yer gonna be a dad! I mean, back during the zombie apocalypse and what-not you was real mean, but I bet ya'll be super nice tuh a baby! How's Ashley doin'? Kin I talk to 'er?" _

_Nick rolled his emerald eyes and handed his phone to his girlfriend. "It's for you." _

"_Hello?" she said curiously into the phone, then she smiled dotingly as Nick heard Ellis's voice start talking again. "Thanks, sweetie! I'm doing alright, but this baby really can't wait to meet everyone…Of course you'll still be the godfather, who else would it be?…Aw, I love you too." _

_Shaking his head, Nick watched Ashley speak to Ellis. There was no doubt in his mind she would be a great mother, because she was always so patient and warm to Ellis, who was basically an overgrown baby himself. There was however a bit of a doubt regarding his own fathering abilities…_

_As Ashley talked (well, mostly listened) to Ellis, a nurse poked her head out of a door and looked around. She saw them and called out 'Ashley Fielder' in a tentative voice. Nick stood up with unexpectedly wobbling knees and tugged to help her do the same. He was so accustomed to helping her get out of all furniture that he wasn't sure he could let her do it on her own once she wasn't hindered by her stomach anymore. _

"_Ellis, we have to go in now. I'll see you soon." _

_With that she snapped the phone shut. They both knew that there was no saying goodbye to Ellis when he got going, and he wouldn't be hurt by them hanging up. Together they followed the nurse, Ashley trying to appear relaxed for Nick's sake and Nick doing a less impressive version of the same act. _

"_Are you sure about making Ellis the godfather?" _

_Ashley looked at Nick as she fiddled with the remote adjustor to the bed, trying to find a position that wouldn't hurt her back. "Yeah. Are you not?"_

"_Don't get me wrong, the kid's like the annoying little brother I never had, but I thought maybe Coach would be a better idea. Maybe even Francis." _

_His girlfriend shook her head, sighing and slumping down a bit when she found a good posture. "That would break Ellis's heart. We already talked about it like a month ago, and it's gonna be him and Ro. Coach wasn't upset when we told him."_

"_Yeah, I know…" Nick said from the chair he'd pulled up next to Ashley's bed, his chin resting on his fist, elbow on his knee. "But…if something happened to us, who do you think would take better care of our kid? Coach or Ellis?"_

"_We both know that Ellis is going to love him or her just as much as us." Ashley gave him a stern face, the one that meant 'quit being a jackass'. "The only people I would trust more are my parents." _

"_Okay, okay." surrendered Nick, not wanting to argue with his pregnant girlfriend. "I know he'll do alright…But no way in hell am I letting him take my son 'gigging' when he's old enough." _

_Ashley laughed, rolling her head on the pillows to get a better view of Nick. He was unshaven and looked tired, appearing a bit older than his thirty-five years. "Come on, Nick. Ellis loves gigging!" _

"_Yeah, and he also loves 'muddin' and 'four wheelers' and 'good ol' NASCAR', but I'm not letting him take our kid near any of that hick crap." Nick was unwavering on the subject, already having considered that months before._

"_You're such a killjoy." sighed Ashley, despite the fact that she agreed. Abruptly a sly look crossed her features. "What will you do if it's a girl and she grows up to fall in love with Ellis?" _

_Nick gaped at her for a moment before scowling. "That is the most fucked up thing you have ever said to me, Ashley Elaine." _

"_I only said it to see your face." she giggled, knowing he only busted out her middle name when she'd really pissed him off. "Ellis wouldn't touch a child of yours with a ten foot pole." _

"_That's fucking right, he wouldn't." grumbled Nick, sickened by the image of his prospective daughter with the redneck mechanic. "I'd take him 'gigging' and he's never come back again." _

_Ashley was laughing heartily at the vision of Nick spearing Ellis with a gig as there was a knock on their door, then a very disheveled Rochelle and Francis were coming into the room. Rochelle immediately threw her arms around Nick's neck from behind, almost choking the man before moving on to Ashley, who embraced her back just as warmly. _

"_How ya doin'?" Francis asked in a more gravelly voice than usually, obviously recently awoken. _

_Nick shrugged as Francis gave him a rough pat on the back. "Decent. Sorry Ro woke you up, but if I didn't let her know she'd murder me." _

"_Damn right I would!" came Rochelle's muffled reply as she finished hugging Ashley. She turned to smile at Francis, who then produced a large bouquet of white roses with a yellow balloon stuck in the middle reading 'Congratulations!' from behind his back._

_Ashley beamed as he set it down on the nightstand beside her. "Thank you so much, guys! You didn't have to do that." _

"_You know Ro wanted to be the first one to give you guys somethin'." rumbled Francis, getting a punch to the arm from his wife and then snorting at her. _

"_Either way, this is really - Ooh!" _

_Everyone in the room froze as Ashley seized up with another contraction, fingers digging mercilessly into the thin white blanket on top of her. Nick held in a groan at watching her in so much pain, her neck straining against the pale blue hospital gown she wore, jaw clenched in an effort not to cry out too much in front of Ro and Francis. _

"_Oh, honey." soothed Rochelle, wiping the hair off Ashley's slightly damp forehead and then petting her head maternally. "You'll be alright, now." _

_Ashley blinked a lot, hoping no one could see she was fighting tears. However Nick knew her too well not to see it, and a small noise of distress rose in his throat. "T-thanks, Ro. I'm o-okay." _

_Nick jumped when Francis put a large hand on his shoulder again. "Let's go outside a minute." _

_Before Nick could refuse Ashley nodded, breathing heavily from the dwindling contraction. "Get some fresh air, Nick. Ro will keep me company." _

_Again Nick didn't have time to protest, Francis's behemoth strength pulling him from the chair and out of the room. They walked silently towards the nearest exit, Nick brooding over leaving Ashley and Francis whistling quietly to himself. Once they were outside Francis reached into the pocket of his leather vest, Nick noticing for the first time that Francis was wearing it over his pajamas. That was a little humorous._

"_You look like you need this." grunted Francis, holding out a package of cigarettes. _

_Nick hesitated. When Ashley had to quit smoking because she was pregnant he'd reluctantly quit too. And damn if it wasn't one of the hardest things he'd ever done. Somewhere up there with saying 'I love you' and fighting off an angry tank. _

"_Um…"_

"_She's too distracted to notice, brother." Francis grinned, knowing Nick's train of thought. "Come on, you look like you're about to fall over. Live a little." _

_Sighing, Nick took the offered white cylinder. "Don't tell Ash." _

"_If you don't tell Ro. She thinks I quit." snorted Francis as he lit both their cigarettes with a black lighter decorated with flames. "You doin' okay?" _

_Taking in a grateful drag, Nick shut his eyes and savored the once familiar burn and the sharp taste. He'd really missed it. And Francis was right, it did take some of the edge off. Then Nick remembered Francis had asked him a question._

"_Honestly…No." responded Nick anxiously, letting the smoke blow out of his nose. "She's in pain and I can't do a God damn thing, and I feel like I'm not ready for this. I thought I had another three weeks to…to…"_

"_What? Prepare?" Francis cocked an eyebrow as he let smoke billow from his mouth. "You've had almost nine months, Nick. If ya ain't prepared now, ya won't ever be." _

"_Gee, thanks a lot." growled Nick, taking in another harsh drag. _

_Francis gave him a shrewd look. "Ya know what I meant. Ashley trusts ya, and this kid is gonna trust ya, so ya gotta trust yourself too, man." _

"_Whatever, Dr. Phil." _

_The larger man chortled and pounded Nick on the back again, almost making him choke on his cigarette. "Don't worry about it, Nick. You'll be a good dad."_

_Nick mumbled something indistinct, but he didn't feel much better. Francis didn't have any kids, how would he know? The pressure was beginning to eat at him, and Nick hoped that maybe smoking another cigarette would lessen the tightening of anxiety in his gut. _

_Halfway into his second cigarette the door opened, Ellis and Coach emerging with twin smiles on their faces, both in pajamas just like the rest of them. Ellis looked like he was going to die if Nick didn't let him do what he wanted, so Nick sighed heavily and allowed the bone-crushing hug to envelop him briefly. Ellis was shorter than him, but he was still pretty strong. _

"_Ro and Ash told us ya'd be out here." said Coach as Nick forced Ellis to detach from his body. "Ya look like hell warmed over, boy." _

_Nick grimaced as Francis chuckled. "So I've been told."_

"_Aw, he's just nervous an' all." Ellis waved a hand at Coach and Francis. "Hell, even I'm nervous! Ash looked mighty pale after one a' them contraction things. They sound like they suck." _

"_Yeah, really." grunted Nick, and the smile he attempted fell flat into a frown. _

_Ellis cocked his head to one side, confusion on his young face. "'Sup witchoo, Nick?" _

"_He thinks he won't be a good dad." Francis explained in lieu of Nick's planned 'nothin'. _

_The mechanic snorted with mirth. "That's stupid of ya, Nick! Ya always took real good care a' us when we needed ya." _

"_That's different!" snapped Nick, unable to hide his frustration any longer. Something about Ellis always pushed anger to the forefront of his emotions. "You're all adults, I was watching your back because you had mine. This is a kid we're talking about…A helpless, tiny, fragile life that is completely at my mercy…What the hell am I going to do?" _

_Ellis looked unsure what to say, but Coach cleared his throat. "When Jackson was born…"_

_They all seemed to hold their breath in the same moment. Coach didn't speak about his son lightly, and when he did it was always with a good purpose. Nick thought back to the CEDA camp. They'd all been gathered in a tent watching the news, more specifically the names of all the identified bodies scroll by. Nick had been holding Ashley, at the time having known her for just a few days, feeling her body quake occasionally with fear as she waited. She already knew her brother and her aunts, uncles, and cousins were all gone, now she was waiting anxiously for her parents' names. _

_Suddenly Coach had burst into tears, burying his face in his large hand and shaking the cot he was sitting on with his guttural sobs. Nick had never thought too much about the loss of those around him until he saw Coach - strong, unbreakable Coach - lament the death of his only son. That was the first time Coach told them about his family, and the first time Nick realized he would be tied to all those people for the rest of his life. _

"…_I was a mess." Coach went on, chuckling deeply and looking at the ground. "We were too young to be parents, even though I was twenty-three I didn't know my own ass from a hole in the ground. As soon as I knew he'd come out alright I slipped away, went on a long walk to clear my head…While I was walking I decided I couldn't be a father yet, that I had to tell Marie that I was leaving, that we had to put him up for adoption." Coach paused, and Nick waited for him to continue with wide eyes. "Then I went back…and I saw him." _

_Nick tensed when he saw tears in Coach's eyes, but he listened raptly to the man continue. "As soon as I held that baby there was no doubt in my mind that I was his daddy." he stopped to swallow a lump in his throat. "He looked up at me with big brown eyes and he screamed at the top of his little lungs, and I ain't never loved nobody like I loved him from that day on. You may have doubts now, son, but as soon as you lay eyes on your child you won't have them no more." _

"_Coach…" croaked Ellis, whose blue eyes Nick noticed were also just about to leak. Francis looked on silently, stunned at the personal admission from such an imposing man as Coach._

"_That…that means a lot, Coach." Nick spoke softly, managing to keep emotion from his own voice. It did mean a lot, and for the moment his fears settled into some deep recess to be fretted over later. _

_Ellis sniffed and wiped his nose on his shirt. "That was jus'…real nice, Coach." _

"_Good lord, Overalls. Don't start menstruating on us." Nick jabbed so it wouldn't become awkward, making Ellis blush and Francis snort and jam the kid's hat over his eyes. They were still men, all panic and sadness set aside. _

_Coach drew in a long breath and was fine in a split second. "Alright, boys. I say we go in there and have us a baby." _


	3. Chapter 3

Before returning to the room where his girlfriend waited, Nick excused himself to get something from the cafeteria. Not only did he want to get rid of the smell of nicotine from his mouth, but he knew Coach and Ellis still wanted to talk to Ashley, and the number of people allowed in the room was limited.

He sat with a steaming cup in his hands, hunched over a table and blinking slowly. The teal and black flecks of the faux-marble table kept blending together, and Nick had to fight not to fall asleep in his coffee. He looked at the clock and yawned. It was almost four in the morning. Two hours since Ashley woke him up and told him he was soon to be a father.

It didn't make sense that he was so shocked. Nick had known for months, been getting ready with Ashley since a few weeks after she told him. At first he'd been horrified, but he'd come to terms with the pregnancy. Or so he thought. Nick remembered all the furniture, the painting, the baby shower, all the tiny clothes and toys and diapers and GOD they had a lot of baby shit! All of the things they'd prepared…There was so much. Maybe he'd been so focused on the part before the baby that he wasn't ready for the actual baby.

Nick shook his head at himself and cursed under his breath. He couldn't tell Ash about all his uncertainties, not so late in the game. After the first few weeks he'd acted like he was fine, excited. Why was he just realizing now that he had no clue what he was doing? Nick wanted to punch himself in the face, truly considering it because he was already in a hospital. No, Ashley wouldn't like that. No good to see the birth of your first child with a broken nose.

That thought made him tremble a little. The birth of his first child was going to come, no matter how much he wished for more time and more of a grip on the situation. The baby was on its way, and Nick could do absolutely nothing to stop it. He snarled at his coffee when he realized just how vulnerable this whole mess had made him. Nick was tough, and he hated for his little inner weaknesses to show, especially to Ashley. How could he tell her he was scared shitless? How could he say to the woman he loved that he wasn't sure he was ready to be a dad?

Coach's words had helped, but just for a moment. As soon as he was alone again Nick was right back to square one, wavering and quickly becoming a nervous wreck. It didn't help when yet another hand placed itself on his shoulder, making him start and almost slop coffee all over himself.

"Hey, calm down. I'm not a zombie, no reason to get trigger-happy." said a jovial male voice, and Nick looked up to see a familiar aged face. "Whoa, you like tired."

Nick managed a smile at Ashley's father. "I know it, Harry. Want some coffee?"

Then the older man raised his own Styrofoam cup, sitting across from Nick. "Already have some. How long you two been up? Ashley looks ready to pass out."

"Since two, but we weren't in bed until eleven." Nick held back a yawn when he realized he'd only had three hours of sleep. He needed at least six to function properly. "You and Jenna could have waited a while. Main event shouldn't be for a few more hours."

Harry took a gulp of his black coffee and shook his head wearily. "The first is hard, we wanted to be here for Ashley. Ronnie was our first…a big strong boy." his gray eyes got distant for a moment as he thought of his deceased son, then he blinked and gave Nick a warm smile. "We can't wait to meet our grandchild."

"Me too." said Nick feebly, hands shaking around his coffee.

Harry deliberated for a moment, then pointed an arthritic finger at Nick. "I'll be honest. When I first met you, I didn't like you one bit. Thought you were a big city slicker taking advantage of my only daughter. My only child, when you think about it." Nick didn't think to protest before Harry went on. "But when she called me and told me she was pregnant…I think I knew you were treating her well. She sounded happy, said it was a shock, unplanned, but she wasn't upset. Said you weren't upset, and I admire you for that. It takes a big man to step up to plate like you, Nick. I appreciate you taking care of my daughter, and soon my first grandchild."

The words were meant to be kind, but they shot through Nick's veins like ice water. More pressure, more responsibilities, more expectations. None of which he thought he could live up to. To cover up his discomfort Nick took a sip, then smiled.

"Thanks, Harry. I plan on doing a good job." He had to sound confidant. There was no doubt allowed in this position, Nick knew that. "I love Ashley." Finally, something that wasn't a lie.

His girlfriend's father gave him a friendly grin, then leaned in to mumble. "And I'm not trying to hint at anything, but I'd like to get a call about a diamond ring in the near future…If you catch my drift."

There was a long moment where Nick choked, mind blank. Then Harry laughed, standing up and clapping Nick on the shoulder. "I'm just kidding, Nick! Don't look so uptight, a baby is a happy occasion! I'll see you back in Ashley's room."

When he was alone again Nick let his head fall onto the table. First a baby, and now marriage? Marriage had never gone well for Nick, his two ex-wives could attest to that. If they weren't dead that is. Nick hadn't bothered checking the CEDA broadcast for their names. He was thinking about the blue tents and cramped cots, then hot skin and Ashley letting out small moans, scrubs being discarded to the grass, and suddenly the thoughts were blending seamlessly into dreams…

Ashley tossed her head and resisted the urge to bite the pillow, the peak of the contraction hitting her like a knife to the stomach and then fading to a dull throb. She released her held breath in a shuddering sigh, feeling guilty. Dr. Castillo had been trying to get her to breathe through them, but it was hard to think through that kind of pain.

"Yer doin' real good, Ash." said Ellis's cheerful voice from her right side, sitting on the doctor's stool and patting her hand occasionally.

As the agony subsided she smiled at him, trying not to think about how sticky and uncomfortable she felt. "Thanks, El. I'm glad you guys are here." She tried not to frown, thinking 'but I wish Nick was here'. Where was he?

Rochelle seemed to be on the same track. "I sent Francis to look for Nick. Coach is still napping in the lobby."

"Okay." whispered Ashley, pursing her lips for a moment so she wouldn't cry. She hadn't wanted to let him out of her sight, but she thought maybe Francis would make him feel better. Despite how badly she wanted to put all her trust in Nick she'd known he would disappear if he got the chance.

"I knew he'd freak out. I tried to be extra calm for him, but it didn't work."

"Hey." Ro grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "Everything is fine, hon. All new fathers get jittery. He's just worried about you."

Ashley gulped dryly. She needed to voice the nagging burden that had been chewing on her for several months. "Ro, I think…I think he might leave me."

The woman at her bedside was stunned momentarily, glancing at Ellis to see him similarly taken aback. "What on earth gave you that idea?"

"Sometimes I catch him staring at my stomach, this faraway look in his eyes." Ashley explained, throat constricting. "Once I asked him about names and he didn't answer for ten minutes, and then he looked out the window with this face…I…He was thinking about leaving, I know he was. And I don't blame him."

Ellis took her other hand and stared incredulously into her gray eyes. "Ash, Nick ain't gonna do nothin' stupid like that. Why do ya think that way?"

"Two years isn't that long a time to be together, and now we're having a baby." her lips were twitching down, eyes shining with long imprisoned tears. "Nick hates commitment, I know that too. I never meant to force him to stay with me like this. He'd never say it, but he thinks it sometimes. He's stuck."

Rochelle was quiet a moment longer, appearing a bit irritated. "Why didn't you say something before? How long have you felt this way?"

"Since I told him. His first reaction was…fear, I think. Then he acted like it was all okay, and I knew he was faking it. I can't tell him, I can't." Ashley moaned, tightening her hold on both hands as a contraction began.

As her words turned into grunts and gasps for air Rochelle glared at the opposite wall, resolute that she was going to find Nick. And when she did, he would regret ever letting Ashley think he felt 'stuck'.

"Nicholas, wake up right now."

Snorting, Nick whipped his head up, then groaned. His neck was stiff and his forehead tingled from pressing against the tacky cafeteria table. He blinked and then looked for who'd woke him up, finding a livid Rochelle standing over him with crossed arms.

"Ro? What's going on?" slurred Nick, trying to locate a clock.

There was a resounding thwack and then an overwhelming silence. Nick reached up, puzzled, to touch his burning cheek. Rochelle had slapped him, and hard. He could feel what would surely be a bruise from her wedding ring. He looked up at her again with wide eyes, too surprised to get angry yet.

After a few deep breaths she decided to elaborate. "I will admit that when you first told me Ash was pregnant, I was skeptical. You sounded excited, and I didn't trust it. But eventually I let you convince me that it was fine, that you were happy even. Now I see what you've been doing, Nick, and I want you to know that I won't let it go on a moment longer."

"What are you talking about?" mumbled Nick, letting his hand fall back to the table.

"Pretending that you aren't conflicted has not been doing Ashley any good." snapped Rochelle, impatient with him. "She knows, Nick. She thinks you're gonna leave her."

Guilt strangled Nick like an unforgiving fist. "Shit…I-I wouldn't -"

"Save it." Rochelle interrupted harshly, brown eyes boring into Nick's. "What you need to do - and I mean right now - is talk to her. Tell her what you're feeling, because I bet she's feeling the same thing. Do ya understand?"

Nick nodded meekly, running a hand through his hair. He flinched as he noticed for the first time it wasn't gelled like he usually had it in public. "Yeah, I'll go now."

"Good." Rochelle's tense expression relaxed marginally. "Put things right, or I'll put your ass out."

Finally waking up all the way, Nick stood and mock-punched her in the gut. "Who knew you'd still be as bossy after the apocalypse?"

"Shut up." she reluctantly smiled and delivered a real blow to his ribs, getting a pained grunt. "Tell her you love her. She needs it."


	4. Chapter 4

Nick peered around the doorway into Ashley's room like a scolded child, almost grateful when he saw that she was sleeping. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing slow and even, fingers twitching a little atop the mountain of her stomach. Carefully he entered the room, easing himself into the chair on her right side, wincing when it made a soft noise. She didn't stir, and Nick relaxed.

He let his eyes travel from her scalp downward, trying to appreciate the view without letting his guilt obstruct his breathing again. Ashley's hair was one of his many fetishes involving the woman, long and soft, thick and clean smelling. Nick had never seen it soaked with sweat the way it was now, pieces that escaped from the bun on top of her head sticking to her forehead and cheeks.

While she was sleeping her lips would move once in a while, like she was talking to someone Nick couldn't see. Or maybe she was talking to him, but he couldn't hear anything besides breathing and the beep of the heart monitor. He trailed over her pink ears, nose dusted with pale freckles, heavy eyelashes brushing her cheeks, lovely cheekbones splotched red from exertion. She looked so beautiful, even sweaty and pushed to the point of collapse.

Slowly emerald irises lowered to a slender neck, smooth milky skin that he had more than once left purpled and tender from his teeth. Another fixation on the long list. He couldn't help loving every inch of her when he got the chance. Then down again, stopping at her swollen breasts covered only by thin blue cotton. She'd complained about how sore they were, but all Nick had been able to think about was how she was bursting from all her regular bras. He shook his head at himself, such a male at times. Finally the giant curve hidden by the blanket, and there Nick stayed.

He'd been to all the appointments, he'd seen enough ultrasounds to be able to classify a finger and a toe from the rest of the indistinct blue lines amid the black sea, he'd even read the baby book with Ashley a few times. And it had felt real. All of it was real, and Nick had felt nervous before. But never like this. Now it was happening. In a few hours he would cease to be Nick and become Dad.

The thought sent a wave of nausea through him that Nick suddenly couldn't recognize as terror or anticipation. Maybe both. Probably both.

Nick traced back up to her face, gasping and sitting back when he saw her eyes were wide open and staring at him intently. She saw she'd scared him and smiled apologetically.

"You always were a light sleeper."

"I always know when you're watching me." she whispered, voice reserved. "Where've you been?"

"Oh, you know…around." Nick shrugged, attempting nonchalance. "Got you some Taco Bell, but apparently they frown on eating that during labor."

Ashley snorted gently at his attempt at humor, then looked down. "If I didn't already know the answer I'd put money on Ro sending you."

"Always said you were intuitive, too." grumbled Nick, scratching the back of his neck. "We should talk, Ash."

A long breath escaped her lungs, and it was surprisingly steady. "I'm ready."

"Huh?" Nick was confused, watching her steel herself.

"You're going to leave me, and I can take it. For now anyway." gritted out Ashley, eyes twitching like she badly wanted to look at Nick but wouldn't. "Do it."

Hatred shot out of some dark place in Nick's heart, all aimed at himself. He stood quickly and cupped her cheeks, kissing her with all the emotion he could convey in a physical gesture. Ashley's breath caught in her throat and she froze, only for a few seconds before returning the kiss with as much fire as Nick. Her hands came up to wrap around his neck, the one attached to an IV unable to go that high and making her grunt in annoyance. Nick smirked and drew back a little, hesitant to let her remarkably supple lips leave his, even chapped from deep breathing and constant wetting with her tongue.

"The last thing that I'm going to do is leave you." panted Nick, pressing his forehead to hers and looking straight into her eyes.

Ashley looked disbelieving for a moment, then she sobbed, startling Nick. "Thank God!"

She used her good arm to yank him down and kiss him again, Nick still a little surprised. He had never seen her cry before, not even when she found out her parents were alive. Not even when she slipped while chopping carrots one Sunday night and took part of her thumb off. Wow, that had been bloody. Wait, why was he thinking about that while she was doing that with her tongue?

Eventually Nick had to break again for air, Ashley gulping down oxygen as well, their faces inches apart. Nick saw a few tears sliding down her cheek and kissed them away, lips stinging a bit at the salt.

"I was sure you were leaving." she told him thickly, stroking the short hairs at the back of his neck. "Don't you ever fucking scare me like that again."

"I didn't mean to." Nick laughed wetly, mortified to find he was near tears himself. "But Ash…I'm sorry. I've been such a huge asshole."

"How?"

He clenched his eyes shut to get rid of that damn feeling. "You're just as scared as me, and I've been selfish. I kept everything to myself, and that was really fucking dumb. I didn't even think about how it would affect you."

"I know you too well for you to hide your brooding." smiled Ashley, still carding her fingers through her hair, almost making his eyes close. She sniffed hard, pecking his lips once more. "And you should know that if there's any person on this planet you can commiserate with about being scared to be a parent…it's definitely me…So can we talk now?"

Nick chuckled and rubbed away the last of her tears with his thumbs, then sat down and held her hand affectionately. "Yeah, about anything, babe."

"There's something I should tell you first…" she trailed off, biting her lip.

Stomach cramping with nerves, Nick waited restlessly. "What?"

"I owe you fifty bucks." admitted Ashley sheepishly, and when Nick didn't understand she continued. "I got the epidural."

Nick paused. He realized she hadn't been grunting in pain with contractions, then barked out relieved laughter, which Ashley easily joined him in.


	5. Chapter 5

Nick wasn't sure if he'd ever been so grateful to see Ellis holding up a floral bag…not that he'd seen the kid do it a whole lot, but it was what was in the bag that had Nick thankful.

He'd been reluctant to give the mechanic the house key, but he didn't want to leave Ashley and he'd forgotten his own toiletries in the rush to get to the hospital. Of course Ellis had grabbed the free purse Ashley had received for buying makeup at some department store, so disgustingly feminine that even she didn't use it. But Nick didn't care about that, he just ripped it open in the bathroom of Ashley's room and sighed.

"Hello, buddy." said Nick to his razor, turning it on and delighting in the familiar buzz.

After he was clean-shaven Nick pulled out his favorite gel, making a note to thank Ellis, though he was a little creeped out the kid had found it since Nick didn't specifically ask for it. It smelled like mint and musk, and it felt right as he smoothed it into his dark brown hair and organized the mess it had become.

Next Nick put on his spicy-scented deodorant and body spray, patted on some after shave and stripped of his pajamas to put on the clothes Ellis had folded at the bottom of the bag. First of all Nick was surprised they were folded and not shoved in there, then he smirked when he saw it was a white suit similar to what he'd worn during their zombie days. Even with a pale blue button-up to go underneath.

Just as he was slipping on his multiple rings (some habits are hard to break), there was a knock on the door. Nick frowned a little, buttoning up the blue shirt the rest of the way. His suit jacket was still laying on the sink, waiting to be donned with the matching pants.

"What?" called Nick through the door, checking his appearance. Not as clean as he liked, but passable.

Rochelle's voice came through the door. "It's time for Ashley to push. Come on, Nick."

Nick nearly fell over just standing still. He wrenched the door open, gaping at Rochelle, who was holding a pile of blue fabric in her arms.

"Pushing?" Nick sputtered, jaw slack. "It's only been…"

"Fifteen hours." supplied Rochelle, knowing Nick was just nervous now. No more doubt. Or so she was really hoping. "They're moving her to the delivery room right now, and I've managed to convince her parents and everybody else to wait in the lobby. It's all you, Nicky."

The small clean bathroom spun a little, and Nick blinked rapidly to keep it steady. He had only passed out a handful of times in his life, and they were usually due to alcohol. It was kind of embarrassing how many times he'd become light-headed in the last hours.

"Uh, a-alright."

"So put this on and I'll show you the way. Hurry up."

Rochelle watched with an almost fond expression as Nick fumbled into the blue backless robe, standing dumbly when he finally worked his arms through the long sleeves. The chocolate-skinned woman took pity and spun him around, tying up the strings and then jamming the almost sheer blue cap over Nick's hair. Under normal circumstances he might have complained about the damage done to his hair, but he looked near fainting or puking. Rochelle hadn't seen him that distraught, even being chased by sixty zombies with nothing to defend himself but a cricket bat.

"Don't you think about passing out." she snapped at him, giving him a friendly punch to the shoulder. "Ash needs you…Ready?"

Nick's face contorted like the gears in his brain were jammed. "Uh-yes? No, but yes."

"Come on." she rolled her eyes and snatched his sleeve, tugging his weight behind her with some effort. Rochelle was beginning to worry about his ability to do what he needed to, but she wouldn't do anything but get him to the starting line. Nick had to figure this one out on his own. She couldn't play mama to him forever.

Nick's emerald eyes landed on the double doors that he would walk through; the point of no return. Only Rochelle yanking him was keeping him from rooting to the ground. He wasn't even sure what he was scared of in that exact moment, only knowing that it was big and he wanted to turn around and run like a flaming jockey was on his tail.

"Your doctor said she'll be in 3." said Rochelle, standing back and giving Nick a nudge towards the doors. "Go ahead, now."

He glanced back at her, unaware that he looked as lost and frightened as any homeless puppy wandering back allies in search of food and affection. Everything was happening too fast, too soon. One moment he'd been sleeping peacefully, dreaming about Vegas and a fantastic streak of luck, then he was facing all of the emotions he'd struggled so hard to bury. Maybe that was what scared him the most: his walls crumbling to be replaced with open doors. Ashley was certainly an open door, warm and inviting, loving and perfect. For him anyway. A baby could be an open door…Nick didn't know, and he hated not knowing.

"Nick…" Rochelle spoke softly, tone laced with suspicion that he would do something stupid.

The man seemed to fortify himself, drawing up to his full height and flaring his nostrils. "Yep." was all he said, one ringed hand pushing the doors open roughly and walking through. He didn't hear Rochelle's relieved sigh, or see her go back to retrieve his forgotten suit jacket.

A strange fog settled around Nick as he walked into the delivery room. The only thing he really registered was Ashley, sitting up on a bed with her ankles in stirrups, a blanket covering her knees, chin pressed against her chest and her face beet red as she pushed with all her might. Sweat dripped from her hair down her face, mingling with what could have been a tear. There were doctors and machines and curtains and a light aimed between her legs, but Nick didn't really see those. Not as clearly as he saw her.

"Nick!" her voice shouting his name like it was salvation brought him out of his thoughts a little, and then he saw her trembling hand reaching for him. Nick closed the distance between them with firm steps, pressing their hot palms together and closing his fingers tightly over the back of her hand. Ashley looked insurmountably happy to see him, smiling despite how her chest was heaving with sharp breaths and pain. Nick got himself as close to her as he could, chest to her shoulder and lips on her sweat-soaked hair.

"You're beautiful." he mumbled, and she let out a laugh that was half sob.

Another voice broke through the haze. "Here comes another one, Ashley. Hold Nick's hand and push down for me. Harder this time, okay?"

Ashley's gray irises sparkled with fear and she nodded, pursing her lips and clenching her eyes shut. Nick was vaguely aware that he was telling her she could do it, also silently assuring himself that he could do it too. He was a little proud of himself for doing this. All of it for her and the kid. Every bit.

The contraction hit and Ashley tossed her head forward, a sound that was pure agony and exertion tearing from her already raw throat. Her face turned red again, teeth gritted so hard Nick could almost hear them grinding. God, she was strong. He'd had cuts and scrapes that made him scream curses and rage around like an asshole, and she was in ten times the pain and she just took it. Why was she doing it?

"That's it, Ashley!" said Dr. Castillo, smiling masked face appearing from under the blanket. "You're crowning, and I see a beautiful head of dark hair!"

Nick fought off another wave of nausea. Dark hair…Huh.

Ashley stopped pushing when the contraction ended, her held breath shooting out in a whimper, letting her head collapse onto Nick's shoulder. He kissed her hair again and she shuddered, knowing the pain would start again in mere seconds. A rough hand brushed a few beads of perspiration from her cheeks, and a low voice told her she was amazing. Ashley swallowed and nodded, because Nick thought she was strong. She couldn't let Nick down. She couldn't let anyone down, especially not him. And especially not her baby.

"Here we go, Ashley. You're doing wonderful, sweetie. Just a few more and you'll see your baby."

Nick's hand shook with panic, and a voice somewhere in a more cowardly part of him screamed 'no, hold it in!', but instead Nick tilted Ashley's chin towards him to stare into her eyes. "We're almost done, Ash."

She beamed, still gasping for breath. "I love you."

"I love you." returned Nick, more determination than affection in his eyes, but she knew he meant it. "You can do it."

"I can." she said weakly, contraction crashing like a tortured wave on her body. She immediately began the process of pushing again, feeling things tearing and shifting and sliding and CHRIST it was so painful. There was no room for such pain in the realm of sanity, but she was clinging to Nick and chanting in her mind that it was almost over and she would have the baby she'd loved in her womb and be able to love it in her arms. And Nick would be there, and he would love the baby too, they would be a family. They wouldn't be married, but they were still a family.

Family, family, family. It was all she had. She would die for it.

And she felt like she was dying. Nick, Nick was family. Her parents, they were family. Ellis, Ro, Francis, Coach, all family. They loved her and she loved them and LOVE was what had got her through the apocalypse and would get her through this. The word boomed in her strained mind as she gave that final violent shove that was needed, throat opening at last to release a strangled shriek of pain that seemed to shatter the sound barrier.

Nick crashed back to reality with a nearly audible thump when Ashley gripped his hand and screamed in his ear, and then Dr. Castillo was holding up a small and furious thing coated in blood and muck. Nick thought briefly that it was like a miniature boomer, then he looked up at the face and he was blown away by the feelings it provoked.

Living and breathing, it kicked and wailed its anger at cold air and unfamiliar grip. A little nose, two little eyes shut tight, one toothless little mouth opened wide and emitting piercing gags and cries. Nick wasn't sure if he'd seen anything as extraordinary as that tiny life, which was part him and part Ashley. Then he remembered the woman who had helped him produce that miracle, and looked down at her. Her eyes were on the creature as well, awing and delighted despite how much pain was still radiating in and out of all her senses. She realized Nick was staring and glanced up at him, unprepared for the passionate kiss he applied to her lips with just a few tears falling down his face.

"It's a healthy little girl." announced Dr. Castillo, causing Nick to pull back and marvel, not catching the slight twinkle of victory in Ashley's eyes. "Want to cut the cord, Dad?"

"Holy shit!" Nick answered, hearing himself called 'Dad' knocking the wind out of him. Dr. Castillo looked confused and Ashley let out a wet laugh, but Nick just wiped his soaked cheeks and nodded. "Yeah, I wanna cut the cord."

Just to be close to his baby - oh my God, his daughter! - made Nick beam as he took the offered tool and severed the last thing tethering the infant to her place as a figment of their imagination. She was so real now it was shocking, and Nick wanted to punch something when the doctor and a few nurses whisked his daughter away to a nearby table. Ashley reached for him again and stopped him.

"She's amazing." the exhausted woman mumbled, dry lips forming a carefree smile. "Do you feel better?"

"I'm in love with her and I haven't even touched her." admitted Nick, stroking Ashley's cheek and smiling when she leaned into the touch. "Are you okay?"

Ashley shrugged. Her face was fading to pink, and her watering eyes were half-lidded, but she looked absolutely content. "As soon as I can hold her."

Nick pushed his forehead against hers briefly. "We're parents…and I'm happy."

"I knew you would be." smirked his girlfriend, then she looked over his shoulder and stiffened. "Nick."

He straightened up and turned around, finding a smiling nurse walking up to him with a pink bundle that was still crying quite insistently. His first instinct was to cradle his arms awkwardly, but she fit so perfectly in them that it didn't matter after that. Warm, soft, smelling of gentle cleansing and fluids. Nick let out a breathless sigh, gaping reverently at his daughter. She squirmed and pushed against the tight swaddling, but seemed a bit calmer now that she was warm and held in loving arms.

Nick had seen quite a few babies in his life. Whether in restaurants or airports or on buses, or occasionally a friend would have one and he would have to pretend he liked the stinky, moist thing. This was entirely different, and Nick knew it right away. Whatever smells and messes this baby could produce, Nick was completely willing to bear it with the idiotic grin he currently wore.

"Nick…can I see her?" asked Ashley, tense with the need to hold her baby.

Blinking, Nick forced himself to hand her over, realizing it was worth it when Ashley's face became absolutely radiant with adoration. She gently pulled down the lip of the blanket to get a better view, just taking in the vision of their child like she could never get her fill. Nick felt the same way, and put an arm around her shoulders to lean in and look at her as well.

"I've never seen anything…" she trailed off, words failing her.

"I know." responded Nick quietly, raising his forefinger to softly trace the hair poking out from the blanket. "She's got my hair."

Ashley chuckled absently. "Gorgeous. So gorgeous. Precious baby…" she cooed the last part to the slowly relaxing bundle. "We've been waiting so long to see you."

Nick almost shook his head at himself for feeling unprepared or unsure. The only thing he needed was to be with Ashley and this new object of his devotion, and the only thing they needed was him. When he thought about it Nick couldn't have asked for a more satisfying or simple way for things to be.

"I've never been this terrified. The woman who soaked herself in boomer bile to give a little boy the chance to get to safety."

Ashley's words made Nick do a bit of a double take, unwilling to look away from the baby but wanting to see her expression. She was still all affection and smiles, but there was a slight inward dip to her eyebrows.

"We can do it."

"So many things to protect her from…" Ashley was thinking of guns and blood, feral snarls and grasping claws.

Nick nodded, but he was thinking of boys with intentions that he'd had when he was young. "We can do that, too."

Ashley was going to say more, but then the little baby in her arms settled down and yawned deeply, eyes cracking open at last. Her parents both seemed to freeze in a daze, looking into her eyes and falling so in love with her it was earth-shattering. Gray irises tinted with a bit of newborn blue rested in the wrinkled face, taking in the unfamiliar room and the two people watching her in awe.

"We've come pretty far." mumbled Ashley, a slightly shaking finger softly touching her daughter's pink cheek, absolutely glowing when a tiny fist caught and squeezed it.

"Really far." Nick nodded again, those days only two years before when he was knee-deep in swamp water shooting a witch in the head as she lunged for Ellis seemed like a nightmare. This was reality.

They fell silent again, not needing any more words to admire the life they had created. It was five thirty in the evening when their daughter was born, but it was still the beginning of a new day.

Ellis re-crossed his arms for the sixth time, letting out a sharp breath and checking the clock. He leaned over to speak softly to Ro, not wanting to disturb any of the other people in the waiting room.

"They been in there a long time now." he murmured, blue eyes wide and anxious.

She turned the page of the magazine she was reading calmly. "Takes a while to have a baby, El."

"This long?"

Rochelle gave him a maternal nod. "Mm hm. Could even be a few more hours."

"Hours?" Ellis nearly shouted, making a few people look at him. He settled deeper into his seat and let his hat cover his eyes, blushing. "How can it take hours, Ro?"

"Ellis, I ain't never had a baby. I don't know."

The young man sighed and drummed his fingers on his thigh. "I dun know if I kin wait hours longer."

"Maybe you should go tell that to Ash. I bet she could get the baby to hurry along."

"Really?"

"No."

Ellis scowled a little as the woman next to him smirked. "Yer just as nervous as me, Ro, so don't act all calm an' collected."

"Yeah, m'nervous." she mumbled, glancing towards the door of the waiting room. "But I'm more patient than you are in your wildest dreams, honey."

He pouted a moment more before chuckling. "I reckon yer right."

A few moments later Ashley's parents came back into the waiting room from the cafeteria, her mother holding a fresh cup of coffee and seeming near a panic attack. She looked like a fifty-something version of Ashley, short white/gray hair and features that clearly were just as beautiful as her daughter in her younger days. Her husband, wizened and slightly shorter than his wife, was patting her shoulder and looked more than anxious himself.

"I should have gone in there." she was saying, biting her nail as she sat down beside on the couch that was adjacent to Ellis, Rochelle, Francis, and Coach's seats. "My mother was there when I had Ronnie."

"You can't hold her hand forever, Jenna." said Harry, switching his grip to her long hand. "Anyway, I trust Nick."

"It's not that I don't trust him." Jenna mumbled, because it had been her that convinced Harry not to be so harsh on Nick. "But that's my little girl in there…" her eyes filled and her lips shook. "I don't want to miss her first baby."

"We aren't missing it, we're here aren't we?" soothed Harry. "Besides, I expect once they buckle down and get married we can expect more grandkids. I think Miss Rochelle was right about them needing to go through this alone. It's one thing to have a baby, it's another to have a baby after the apocalypse."

Jenna took a sip of coffee and brushed hair off her forehead. "You're right." then she flashed her husband a meaningful stare that neither knew was the exact look Ashley gave Nick when she really meant something. "But I'm going to be there to see that baby grow up. If they let me I'll move in."

"Let's not get carried away." laughed Harry, squeezing her cold fingers. "But I'll be there, too."

Ellis was near exploding with nerves, and blurted, as he always did when under stress. "Are ya'll excited tuh be grandparents?"

Jenna started like she'd forgotten they weren't alone, then smiled in almost the same manner Ashley smiled at Ellis. Patient but slightly amused. "Very. I think I've been ready to be a grandma since I had kids."

They all shared a brief laugh at her words. "Ashley's really happy about you guys being here. She told me so." said Rochelle, laying her magazine across her lap.

"I'm glad. Thank you for being her for her as well." Ashley's mother gave all of the birthing party a warm look. "All of you. It's really spectacular that you've all remained so close after everything."

"Ya know what they say." grunted Francis. "Nothing brings people together like the zombie Armageddon."

Rochelle elbowed him in the gut as there was another collective chuckle. "I'll drink to that." nodded Coach, who had spiked his own coffee from a flask he now carried around in his back pocket.

Then the doors opened, and Ellis looked up expectantly. No one else bothered to, knowing it was probably another false alarm. They'd all been jumping up and down the first ten or so times the doors opened, so now they weren't getting their hopes up. But Ellis leapt up like a spring had gone off in his seat, causing everyone else to see what had gotten him so excited.

A ripple of fear seemed to shoot through the people waiting for the news as they saw Nick's red-rimmed eyes. Rochelle had never seen him cry, and it made a strange twisting sensation erupt in her stomach. However Nick pulled off the cap he'd been forced to wear, crushing it in his large hand and beaming.

"It's a girl."

There was a pause where that was absorbed, and Ellis was the first to break the silence. He whooped like he'd just must Jimmy Gibbs Jr. in person and threw himself at Nick for the second hung in twenty-four hours. Nick usually didn't like how much the kid seemed to want to hug him, but in his elation he let it happen and even embraced back a bit. Momentarily the others joined, creating a mass of arms and tears and congratulations.

And Nick wasn't sure he'd ever felt as at home as he did surrounded by his makeshift family, knowing that the woman he loved and the daughter he couldn't wait to cherish were just a few yards away.


	6. Chapter 6

"Nick, wake up. The baby's crying."

There was a tired groan from the man on the bed. "If you get her I'll do absolutely anything you want me to."

"Even clean the bathroom?" Ashley sounded hopeful, even half-asleep.

"Maybe…" Nick was near going back to sleep.

His girlfriend yanked the blanket off him to spur him on. "I absolutely want you to get the baby."

"You're a bitch." he grumbled fondly, reluctantly pushing himself up and off the inviting mattress. The shrill sound of his daughter crying through the baby monitor finally registered.

"Love you, too." muttered Ashley, fading into a gentle snore.

Truly Nick didn't mind getting up to get the baby as much as he made it seem like he did. He flipped on the hall light and pushed open the door to her room, which was just about two feet away from their room. The sound of her wails made him flinch, more out of concern for her than the sound itself. The yellow nightlight next to her crib wasn't really enough, so Nick fumbled around until he located the switch to the lamp.

"Hey, hey, hey." said Nick in the gentle voice reserved for his daughter. "What's a matter, Bug?"

Peering over the bars of the crib Nick found the face that had become very familiar in the two weeks she'd been home with them. Small and currently scrunched in frustration, fists shaking with the power of her cries. Nick shushed her softly and reached in to grab her, easily pressing the tiny warm body to his chest. As soon as her hot cheek hit his neck she started to calm down, comforted by her father's large hands under her diapered butt to hold her and rubbing her back soothingly.

"Did ya have a nightmare, Bug?" he asked as he eased himself into the rocking chair that was a little too effeminate for his taste. Even before they knew the sex Ashley had picked out the grossly frilly thing. He'd accused her of trying to turn their unborn son gay, but now the point was kind of moot.

The calming infant made a soft whimper by his ear, and Nick patted her butt comfortingly. "Yeah, I have those sometimes. You're okay, Bug. I'm here."

There was little likelihood that the baby understood him, but Nick smirked nonetheless when she nuzzled her face into his shoulder and her breathing settled. From what Nick had learned about babies before fatherhood he thought they were supposed to be fussy and hard to satisfy, but in his daughter's case when she was being held she was more often than not content.

"Thanks for not pooping, Bug." chuckled Nick quietly, genuinely happy he didn't have to deal with a diaper change. He'd been covered in puke and blood and pieces of rotten flesh, but somehow her dirty diapers were up there on the list of most disgusting things he'd ever seen.

"You really should call her by her name sometimes." said a yawning voice, and Nick jerked his eyes over to find Ashley grinning from the doorway. Her hair in a messy ponytail and her pajamas rumpled. "She's gonna grow up thinking her name is Bug."

"I like the nickname." Nick defended as his bare feet slowly rocked them in the chair.

"Me, too. But unfortunately it doesn't say Bug on her birth certificate."

Ashley came into the room and went behind the chair to drape an arm over Nick's unoccupied shoulder and gaze at their daughter. Nick snorted quietly, careful not to disturb the nearly sleeping baby. "You call her Bug, too."

"Only because your bad habits rub off on me." she peered around him to smile at her daughter. "Don't be like your dad okay, Emma?"

Emma turned her head and made a high-pitched noise of displeasure at being spoken to. Nick shook with suppressed laughter as Ashley bit her lip to keep from smiling. "Too late. She's already just like me."

"She's only sixteen days old, Nick. She's like a mute old person."

Nick rolled his eyes at the comparison. "I'm telling her you said that when she's older."

"Go ahead." Ashley pressed her cheek to Nick's, grinning a little at the sting of his morning stubble on her own smooth face. She watched as Emma's gray eyes started to shut reluctantly, trying to watch her parents curiously a bit longer before sleep took hold again. Nick kissed Ashley's arm when it moved in front of his face so she could stroke the dark wisps on top of Emma's head.

Ashley laid her hand on Nick's chest and felt his heartbeat, kissing his cheek affectionately. She thought of zombies and knives and fear, and for the first time it was really in the past. Now was the time to move on, and her ticket to a bright future was right there in Nick and Emma.

"We might be the luckiest assholes on the planet." Nick voiced her thoughts, making her laugh.

"Yeah, probably." she thought for a moment. "We're sort of pioneers if you think about it."

Nick nodded, knowing what she meant. "I bet there's a big-ass baby boom in the next ten years."

"I hope Francis and Ro have a baby soon." Ashley beamed against Nick's shoulder. "Francis will look even more out of place holding a tiny baby than you did."

Feeling a little offended, Nick gestured at their sleeping daughter. "Does she look out of place to you?"

"Nope. She looks right at home." Ashley smiled gently when she saw Emma snoozing so peacefully. "I love you, Nick."

"I love you too, Ash." mumbled the man, leaning his head back so he could kiss her jaw. "D'you wanna take her? She's gonna need feeding in like ten minutes."

"Yeah." Ashley replied eagerly. "I need you to make coffee anyway."

Nick scoffed as they switched positions gingerly. "You're very demanding this morning."

"Who makes coffee every other morning?"

Nick rolled his eyes as he walked for the doorway, Ashley now rocking Emma. "Point taken."

"Remember to make me decaf!"

"I don't see the point of drinking it without caffeine." Nick called over his shoulder as he descended the stairs.

Ashley chuckled. "It's the illusion of coffee that counts. Besides, you don't want our child to have stunted growth do you?"

It sounded like Nick muttered something about 'I'll stunt your growth', making Ashley laugh. In the next few minutes the alarm did go off that meant they were supposed to feed Emma, so Ashley lifted her shirt and shifted around until Emma was attached to her properly and suckling. She watched with a slight smile, still kind of unsettled by the sight and sensation, but also it was good bonding with her daughter.

"Doesn't that get cold?" Nick had reappeared in the doorway with two steaming cups of coffee.

She shrugged. "Emma's really warm. I'm used to it, I guess."

"I can't say I'm used to your boobs hanging out all the time." he snickered as he placed her cup on the changing table, which was close enough for her to reach. "Our house is like some kind of National Geographic special."

"You're exaggerating." Ashley pursed her lips so she wouldn't laugh and disturb Emma. "I don't remember any complaints before about my 'boobs' as you so maturely put it. Do they gross you out now or something?" she sounded like she was joking, but really she was a bit self-conscious about all the weird stuff that was happening to her body.

"Not at all. I've never thought about it before, but it's kind of neat that you can feed her that way." Nick studied his daughter enjoying her breakfast and then smirked.

Ashley shook her head and grinned at him. "You're gross, Nick."

"Come on, I didn't mean anything sexual." the con man rolled his eyes at the thought. "I was thinking I'm glad she does that to you and not me."

That nearly sent his girlfriend into a fit of giggles. "We can try and get her to attach to your nipple. See what happens."

"She'll get a mouth full of chest hair and disappointment."

They shared a subdued laugh, at the end of which Emma decided she was finished, detaching herself and relaxing in her mother's arms, kicking her purple fleece-covered feet. Ashley covered herself and yawned, frowning.

"What time is it?"

Nick squinted at the clock on the wall. "Three-thirty. Fuck."

"You need to get back to bed, babe."

"What about you?" Nick resisted a yawn.

Ashley did the same thing, blinking rapidly. "I don't have to be at work in five hours. My appointment isn't until noon."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Get some more sleep, I might come in in a bit." she smiled as Nick kissed her briefly on the lips, then bent down a bit farther to peck Emma on her tiny forehead.

When she was alone with the baby Ashley sighed, knowing she'd be exhausted all morning and Emma was at her most wide-awake in the morning. At least there was a very good possibility she could talk her parents into coming over to baby-sit Emma so she could take a nap.

Then again she valued her quiet time at home with her daughter. She looked out the window at the still-dark sky, just a hint of pink and orange signaling the sunrise. The city would begin to come to life soon, the house across the street would light up and Mr. Tall Neighbor would say goodbye to Mrs. Tall Neighbor and head off to wherever he worked. Ashley made a note to actually get to know their neighbors. Maybe some of them had kids Emma could play with.

So many new things to think about, all of them concerning Emma. Ashley breathed in deeply in relief when she thought that none of those things would be zombies. Emma would grow up safe, blissfully unaware of the carnage the world had been reduced to just a little while before she was born. And that was the way she wanted it, and she was sure Nick did as well.

When she'd been running for her life from a jockey that just wouldn't give up, eyes focused on the safe room that was a hundred feet away, perspiring and sobbing because she knew she was going to die, Ashley had never pictured his life for herself. She'd seen herself dying alone and afraid at the hands of some damn zombie, not managing to live. That was the biggest surprise, and occasionally she would wonder if this was her heaven. Maybe she was dead and she just didn't know it. Well, if she got this that was fine.

"You ever heard the expression too good to be true, Bug?" whispered Ashley, then she shook her head and sunk deeper into the chair. "I really hope I don't wake up in a safe room. I would be pissed."

But Emma turned her head into her mother's chest and sighed, and her breath was too real to be a dream. Ashley started to rock them slowly, thanking whoever was listening for letting her have this. She'd been convinced God couldn't be real with what she'd seen, but seeing this made her wonder. In any case, this was enough divinity for her.

And in the next room Nick thought the same thing before he shut his eyes and slept more deeply than he could remember sleeping since before Z-day.


End file.
